poop

blaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. well don't i feel like a total moron. who am i kidding, why do i even bother getting ready to do anything? i don't ever do anything. i work, and on my day off i want to do something fun. something not workish. look nice! not wear black for once. but no. nothing ever works out as planned. or as i had hoped. it's like all the fun things happen on nights when i have to get up for work at 4:30am. and on the nights where i don't have to get up, nothing happens. no one answers their phone. no one calls me. who am i? do i mean anything to anybody? NO. BLAH! i am so frustrated right now. i wish i could just work all the time so i wouldn't have time to feel frustrated. this really sucks. it really sucks when your boyfriend lives 400 miles away and you're used to seeing him everyday. then you don't see him for a month, and it really sucks, but you finally get used to the suckitude and then he comes to visit! so then you get used to the happiness and seeing him everyday and then he leaves again. back to being sucky. but it's even more sucky this time b/c the visit made everything even better than it was before, so it hurts that much more when he's gone! and then what are you left with? people who don't give a shit about you! blahhhhh whoooo caressssss............... it's all dumb shit anyway. why can't we all just be friends! and do the kinds of things friends do! like, hang out! an essential tool for hanging out is the telephone! the very same tool i want to smash into the ground right now! b/c as much as i hate it and as much as i really don't like talking on it, i like it when people call me! it makes me feel special. god i really want to smash my phone into the ground right now. it's a piece of shit anyway. uuuugh. so annoyed. i feel like crap. what happened to the old sara? the old sara used to feel pretty and happy more often. i don't think she's been here for awhile. maybe this sara needs to disappear for a little while, for the old sara to resurface. yup, smash the phone into the ground it is. i can disappear and let off a little steam at the same time.