i am so lazy

SO LAZY. i see all these pretty pictures of places i want to go and things that i want to do and get real sad that i'm at home sitting on a couch getting fat. it's so depressing! i have no money. zippo. spent all my christmas money already, not that it was that much, just barely enough to live on for 2 weeks. which basically, i think, i have done fantastically. stretched out my funds to last me about a month. a month of christmas-time!

anyways, my mom came home from the philippines today. picked her up at the airport and then exchanged christmas presents and went out for thai food. and we've already fought and she's been home for like 4 hours. and guess what about?! (coughcoughmoneycough). YAR!

so now i'm drugging myself with new music. i re-discovered epitonic.com it's so fucking awesome. search by genre then listen to some music, download or add it to blackbox it if you like, then click on a similar artist, and voila! you've started to create some unique chain of musicness. it's crazy. a lot of the bands on it are bands that i like, maybe have one or two of their CD's, but haven't bought any of their newer or older ones, and on epitonic they have songs from those albums. it's great. i love music.

i hate the feeling of being stuck somewhere, when all i want to be doing is exploring the world. sometimes i wonder what it would have been like to be born into a more outdoors-y family. go hiking and backpacking and real camping in all these beautiful places. cuz i've always wanted to.. just don't know quite how to get my foot in the door, so to say. granted i've been lucky and my mom has always sent me random places to travel outside the country, but never in the outdoors-y fashion. i want to go so many places! AGH! if i could, i would just give up everything right now and just travel. by myself. but! i know that would not be very smart. and it would go against anything that i've worked towards up until now. but seriously. who needs college? who needs all this junk! oh man. cuz honestly, it's just to be in the moneys. to have money money money. stupid money.

why does everything have to cost money? why do you have to pay for something that essentially is free? why does it have to cost money to see the world? the world is free! all the sights, all the beauty, you have to pay just to get there! people don't do the dirty work for free! why do you have to pay money for music? it's art! art should be free. it's not really anything material, besides the actual album and album art. it's sound! beautiful sound! why can't everything that's beautiful be free? sometimes i wish that there didn't have to be rules. set qualities that deem something "beautiful" for instance, that somehow the world would know what each person finds beautiful. pssht. FUNNY! i am funny. maybe i'll go now and become a dirty communist.

how come no one comments in here? you don't have to be a member or anything. alas. so many questions..

i <3 ipath.. best shoes ever

hahahahaha.. so i'm actually in the contest! this is funny.
lookey lookey! http://www.ipath.com/index2.html
vote for me!! even tho i look 12. but those other guys are so hot....
i'm #8, email photos@ipath.com

(703)

so i'm back in the lonely house. dropped gaby off.. went to see meet the fockers after sharing some eggnog and funny stories. blegh. i'm in a meh mood. is it bad that lately i don't have the patience/give a shit for and about things that i used to? aka people. yes, 'tis the season of giving, and i've done my share of some damn good giving, but i really.. i dunno. i guess i can start the "what i'm grateful for and what i'm not grateful for" list. BLAGHHHGSHGHWAET! where to begin?!?!
i guess i can start from today and work backwards. today, as it turns out, was really good. a good christmas? imagine that. i had been on a sewing binge and made the most awesomest purse for gaby and the most kickass shoes for christine and the cutest make-up purse for my aunt colleen. also baked a whole bunch of brownies and chocolate pretzels and a christmas poo, and drove out to bowie, MD to celebrate with some of the o'mahoney's i hadn't seen since my aunt's wedding a year ago. it's crazy to see my cousins chris, brian, mike, and matt all grown up, er, semi-grown up (the youngest is in 4th grade). they really are good kids. i just wish i hadn't missed all those years that we could have been hanging out and getting to know each other, like i know the kids on my vargas side.. 5 years. funny that i have to be reminded that i have a dad that i could be spending christmas with while my mom and my whole family is in the philippines. funny how i still didn't. BLARGLEBAAAGH!
and yesterday. christmas eve. had the ghettoest x-mas eve celebration in the history of all vargas creation. probably b/c the celebration consisted of 3 of the hybrids, the family jew, and the white boy boyfriend inductee. funny how that white boy kid has known me since i was 9. basically more than half of my life. he practically is my cousin now. but it was nice.. granted, our dinner was salad, ghetto garlic bread, vegetarian lasagna, and the batch of chocolate pretzels i forgot to add 2/3 cup of sugar to........ 'twas quiet. 'twas nice. the shirts i deconstructed/constructed/appliqued/sewed for my cousins were fun. i like making things.
and the day before that. ohh.. the day before that. flew home from orlando. went crazy christmas shopping. got totally shitfaced at robyn's. yep. became totally incoherent. actually, i became totally incapacitated on the bathroom floor. that, believe it or not, was a very good time. saw a million people i hadn't seen in a long, long time. i was GLAD! haha.
oh and the days before that.. orlando.. iiiinteresting. very interesting. it was fun in that draining sort of sense. felt like every drop of patience and every essense of sara was squeezed dry. i just wanted to run for shelter or some type of safe haven. ipod + window bus seat became my sanity bubble. amazing how much drama develops when a group of people decides to pretty much solely hang out with that group of people. how i gravitate towards the anonymity of "belonging" to many different types of groups! BLEGH! i tell ya, band has it's characters. it's like all or nothing. i guess the whole freaking world has it's characters. the know-it-alls, the drama queens, the flirts.. dude these kids go all out! but it's whatever. more power to 'em. at least they know who they are and embrace it.
who the fuck am i?! that's what i wanna know!!!!
anyways, now that i have come to the stunning realization that after much previous agony, i have to figure myself out all over again, i am happy to announce that flint 4A-ers are by far some of the coolest kids i have met, ever. chris, dave, and christa's christmas calls all made my day. yay. i miss them.................
so as for my patience and not giving a shit feeling, it's a good thing! er, how to explain.. basically i have no patience for this shit anymore--the blowing sara off, the complete, blatant disregard people have for others, in essence all the ways people could possibly think of (oh, there are many) to be utterly inconsiderate. so now i just ignore it, and pray that others will have some sort of epiphany and realize that "oh my god! i co-exist on Earth w/ other PEOPLE! other things! other LIVING things! the earth is living! there are other things that are beyond me in importance, like the sun!" so i don't care, i'll sit back, i'll take whatever you throw at me, i'm living.. i'm alive. my impatience has caused me to forgive you indefinitely. see, i forgive before you even say you're sorry!
merry fucking christmas. enjoy your presents.

oh canada

so i just got back from calabogie peaks, snowboarding! it was feckin crazy. it said it would take 3 hrs to get there. definitely took longer than that. crazy kilometers. crazy canadians. did you know that the drinking age in ontario is 19, not 18? yeah, apparently that's just quebec. which actually i already knew, but was convinced otherwise, which always seems to happen! like when we drove home, in the pitch black canadian wilderness.. and got lost for like 2 hours. scary, scary times! but i must say, calabogie was pretty fun for the first snow of the season. they only had one lift open, and a couple slopes, and i managed to even face-plant once. yeah, when they have the little stick cross-y things, even tho they are fun, do not go on the little bumpy things! there's a warning for a reason! anyways. it's always kinda funny how things work out.. actually, i don't know whether it's funny or just horrible and morbid, or some sick twist of fate, or it's a little bit of both, but some bad stuff has just happened.

i'm so incredibly tired right now, i feel drunk. and it feels like everything that just happened was a dream. mother just bitched me out about not responding to her emails quickly enough. then my mom is going to the philippines tomorrow. i go to get food. then my grandma is in a coma. never woulda thought i'd be miles away trying to calm my mom's tears, talking to her on a cell phone in a hallway where girls are screaming, "do my thighs look fat??"

now i'm left with the sudden sombering realization that i'm spending christmas alone this year. such highs and lows. one day. i'm goin to bed.

my new bloggy blog!

greetings from my new internet abode. (yes, i am a dork).

so i'm sitting comfortably in my bed, snuggly-like w/ my happy orange & yellow down comforter, art history book on my lap, ikea lamp conveniently positioned to deliver unbending hardcore studying light, nalgene within arms reach so i can quench my parched tongue, headphones at the perfect, perfect volume, so there's no getting up and adjusting, when it suddenly occurs to me that at this very moment, it would be a prime time to create a new blog.

so here i am, "finished studying for the night," not going to bed at the 1am i had aimed for. and contrary to popular belief, as dave proclaimed earlier in the night when a ruckus (during quiet hours i might add--oh my!) was occuring outside my door and i opened up and told them to shut up, "is that sara?! she is NOT studying!!" i actually did study. i might not have been studying at that very moment in time, b/c actually i was napping and they woke me up, but i had every intention of doing so!

anyways. i guess this is some attempt at making-over the little of me that there is left. making it into something better! since i feel like since i've been here, i've sort of been deteriorating. lack of culture. lack of scene. lack of music lovers. lack of open minds. lack of love. i guess there are plenty of things i can blame it on. but on an up-note, i CAN say that i have learned a lot since i've been here! and i guess that would be the ideal thing to do here at syracuse. become all knowledgeable. yup. so here's good-bye to xanga.

bye xanga, you were fun. but sometimes you really sucked. i'm sure you will get over me.

okayyyy! to sleep i go.